Tired of Adulting

I’m not sure when it clicks that you really are an adult. I feel like the harsh reality of that fact took a while to sink in for me. Maybe it was when we made a will assigning guardianship of our children. Perhaps it was when we screwed up on our income taxes and owed a whole bunch that one year. One of the most recent instances was just this last spring…

We learned that the transmission in my husband’s green Kia Spectra needed to be replaced. Since the cost of the repair would have far exceeded the value of the car, we decided to scrap the car. Easy, right? It turned into quite a fiasco. As it turned out, the title was still in the name of his mother, who passed away before we even got married. Not only that, we couldn’t locate the title, and the bank where the car loan was from had since gone out of business.

In the middle of all this, I felt so stressed. We had to keep insurance on the broken car while we were attempting to track down the title. I spent a lot of time on the phone and online trying to figure out what our options were. Two strong feelings surfaced. One, in my desperation, I fantasized about someone stealing the car or dumping it off a cliff. Two, I realized that no one was going to rescue me from this problem. I really wanted someone to swoop in and FIX it. But…I’m the adult now.

There are some horrible things about being an adult. You really have to answer for your decisions, particularly financially. I’ve just now started dreading when the mail man comes, worrying that maybe some type of bad news might have been delivered. So yes, sometimes I’m really tired of “adulting.”

There are some awesome things too though. I go to bed when I want. I can eat pie for breakfast if I want (and I have!). I get to choose how our days run. The independence is priceless. And yet, sometimes I just wish someone else would fix everything.

 

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When I’m Rich

One of the fun mind games I like to play is, “If I was rich, I would…[insert splurge here].” It’s kind of a dangerous game, because what am I calling rich? There’s some quote from John Rockefeller. He was asked, “How much money is enough?” His answer, “Just a little bit more.”

So, take this for the tongue-in-cheek post that it is and enjoy. Add your own “When I’m Rich” splurge at the end.

When I’m Rich…

  • I will buy only foaming handsoap from Bath and Body Works. You seriously can’t beat the scents they use. In my frugalness, I make my own by reusuing old Bath and Body Works foaming soap dispensers. But seriously, generic soap is just NOT the same. Fun parenting tip: always use foaming handsoap dispensers because it keeps oodles of gooey liquid soap from getting everywhere.
  • I will own more than one pair of flipflops. What??? Long story short, I have foot issues. Not the least of which is severe plantar faciitis. So my special flipflops cost $65 a pair. It would be nice to own a few pairs someday. You know, when I’m rich.
  • I will stop buying cheap jewelry and buy stuff that lasts. I’m really not doing myself any favors by getting sucked into the 40% off sale at Fred Meyer and buying a $4 pair of earrings. That pair always becomes my favorite and then the coating starts peeling off. So….yeah.
  • I will buy a sectional sofa with removable, washable covers. Dust mite allergy. Napping potential. Enough said.
  • I will buy delicious, expensive, premium, thick cut bacon. Have you SEEN the price of bacon lately?! But someday, I will buy the good stuff.

So how about you? What’s on your list?

How Self-Centeredness is My Marriage’s Worst Enemy

I’m presently working my way through a book called Spousonomics: Using Economics To Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes. The title sparked my interest, and it’s an enjoyable read, although I find the lengthy explanations of economics a bit tiring. I’m only a few chapters in, but so far the book has covered a few of the main conflicts that married couples face. The first chapter is called “Division of Labor, Or, Why You Should Do the Dishes.” As I read through each “Case Study,” where the authors describe real life couples in real life situations, I thought through what my husband and I have fought about the most.

One evening, I brought this book up in conversation with my husband, and we discussed what seems to cause us to enter a “rough patch.” It’s not division of labor (I foresee that as a future problem, but it’s neutral for the time being).It’s not money or finances. Not because we never argue about money, but because going through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University together really helped get us on the same page.

When we hit a rough patch, communication breaks down, and we start avoiding each other. This rough patch can sometimes be triggered by extreme stress/strain, or tough work schedules. I find though that the first thing to switch over is my attitude. I start thinking about the kind of husband my hubby is or is not being. I think about how he NEVER does _________[fill in the blank]. He ALWAYS does ______[fill in the blank], just to annoy me. Every little idiosyncrasy suddenly rears its head. When I’m 100% in this mode, every other move he makes is irritating to me. I suddenly feel a surge of fear and ask myself, “What is happening to my marriage?” Sometimes it takes a confrontation to get me to start analyzing myself. I’ll realize that I have switched my brain over to thinking entirely about MYSELF, MY needs, what I want to do, how I am not being served.

When my heart is in a humble/desperate enough state to stop criticizing for a second, then I realize what I am doing and start turning those questions around. How am I serving my husband’s needs? How am I being kind to him? What would he like to do? What is he feeling? How is he doing? Usually this exercise is enough to bring me off my high horse. Having redirected my focus on what I could be doing to be a better wife, I find that all those annoying idiosyncrasies (that were driving me crazy just 10 minutes ago) suddenly dissolve into the background. I usually find that I am not being kind, and have not looked for ways to serve my husband.

I’m going to end with a passage from a book I hold in high regard. It was given to me by a professor while I was attending college. From The Friendship Factor by Alan Loy McGinnis:

“D.L. Moody was one of the greatest Christian evangelists who ever lived. He could hold a crowd in the palm of his hand, won thousands of converts to the faith, and established several religious institutions. Yet he never displayed the pompous air of self-importance that so many famous evangelists did in that era. He was a tolerant, understanding man who rarely criticized. One of his famous sayings was, ‘Right now I’m having so much trouble with D.L. Moody that I don’t have time to find fault with the other fellow.’ ”

 

 

Kiva–small business loans

Just thought I would take a quick moment to mention Kiva. My sister-in-law actually got me started on Kiva loans. The Kiva website has pictures and stories for various entrepreneurs around the world. To start, you choose who you would like to loan to (a minimum $25 loan is required). I find that most of the people I have chosen to loan to receive total funding fairly quickly. In a relatively short amount of time, I get emails about how they are repaying what I loaned them. Once I have enough, I choose another business/person to loan the money to.

I’m mentioning this today because I got an email from Kiva. Click on this link to “experience the joys of microlending on Kiva with a $25 free trial loan.”

A Housewifey Day

I just felt “housewifey” today and had to share. Since I spent last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday laid up with a migraine, none of the housework or laundry got done. I rested Sunday since I was feeling a little better, and then today, rolled up my sleeves and got to work. The Housewifey Successes of today:

  • Went to Office Depot because of a coupon deal I had read about, and actually scored these cool labels for FREE!

  • Made a trip to Fred Meyer with a coupon, got a great deal from their 40% clothing clearance AND scored 4 bags of Tillamook Cheese ($1 each).
  • Ran into Winco for a couple things. Got home to realize my cinnamon got rung up as bacon bits. I think I got a good deal on that cinnamon bacon bits.
  • Dusted and cleaned the floors! (very important because Baldue the cat leaves behind a heinous amount of cat hair in the summer) It’s amazing what a difference that small amount of cleaning makes.
  • Now I’m going to take a nap. And hey, I don’t even need a coupon–it’s free!