Some Rambly Friday Thoughts

Sometimes motherhood is gloriously rewarding. That moment when the baby helps put away blocks for the first time (I always feel a burst of pride at this one), or when the 3 year old recognizes the uppercase and lowercase letter E. Other times, you are just surviving (and not in a poor me kind of way). Like when the kids get Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease and you’re quarantined for what seems like forever. Or when the kids will not stop picking on each other and someone is crying at any given moment and that migraine feels like it’s going to split your head open.

Motherhood feels like the ultimate test in perseverance. How many times can you stand to here “Moooooom!” shouted at you before you snap? How many times will you tell the toddler to pick up their room?

Our family is in a waiting phase of our life right now and for a “do it now” girl like myself, it is excruciating.

I thought of this verse last night.

James 1:2-5

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I feel like there have been a variety of trials lately and a lot of them require perseverance. I hate that spiritual maturity has to come at such a cost, but there it is! I will cling to God’s truths that I know even when the way seems so rocky. One of my favorite quotes is, “Never doubt in the darkness what God showed you in the light.”

Such a rambling post (I’m sorry!), but these are some thoughts I’ve been having on this Friday! Aren’t you glad it’s Friday? I am.

Missing the Point

I feel like I’ve been circling this whole year. After the 4th trimester (the rough postpartum phase) ended with Alsea, I started to feel like a human being again and realized I wanted something for myself. Something that could be part of how I defined myself. Something that wasn’t about me being a mother. I’ve made lists. I’ve brainstormed. I made a brainstorming idea page where I listed every possible thing I could do and tried to draw connections.

Could I write? Could I blog? Should I sell something? Should I make something? Should I offer a service? My gut says that this “thing” that I’ve been missing is some type of creative endeavor. Although I enjoy blogging, I’m pretty sure it is not my “thing.” To be a successful blogger, one’s blog needs to have more of a main focus and be much more directed and consistent than mine is. But I like writing. I always have. I wrote a children’s picture book this fall and I’ve pitched it to a couple publishers. Not sure if that is supposed to be my “thing.”

My inbox is full of job listings for copyright and editing jobs I could try and acquire. But I don’t really want to do that. It doesn’t feel like the “thing.” So, once again, I’m circling, tossing out ideas and hoping something sticks.

Just Little Things Friday

Happy Friday! What do you have planned this weekend? We’ll be catching up on family time and visiting some friends.

You should definitely try this dairy free peanut butter mousse (3 ingredients!)

Quotable from my daughter this week after she watched me kill a spider. She jumped up and down shouting, “Mommy, Mommy!! When I’m older, can I kill spiders???”

this one is my favorite

One of the bloggers I follow just opened up an online shop with these adorable prints

I really like these little “Choose Love” journals

 

Neurotic

Or nesting? Who knows…

At the present time, I’m enjoying blaming all my shortcomings/weird behaviors on being pregnant. Forgot to pay that bill? Well, it’s because baby is taking all my brain cells.

At almost 32 weeks pregnant, I find myself in a neurotic state of nesting where EVERYTHING seems so DIRTY. I’m barely working, I spend lots of time cleaning, yet find myself appalled at the state of my apartment. You can decide what categories this morning’s activities fall into:

• washing out the inside of the garbage can
• getting on my hands and knees to spot clean the carpet in the baby room
• getting on my hands and knees to scrub the silver casing around our sliding glass door. Why…? (it was pretty dirty though)
• vacuuming the hair off the cat (okay, I made that one up)

And that’s just today. The other day I decided that after three years of living in our apartment, the inside of our kitchen cupboard doors needed to be washed. RIGHT NOW.

At the risk of being repetitive since I’ve posted a similar image, here’s another one.

 

Being Sick at 24 vs. Being Sick at 10

When I was 10, getting sick meant…

• getting off of my chores
• pulling out a “sick kit” I had put together that had fun pages to color and games to play.
• Mom would make me Mrs. Grass’s chicken noodle soup.
• Mom would make me get extra rest.
• A nice fire roaring in the woodstove to keep my warm.
• No one expected me to do anything but lie down and rest.
• Downing cough syrup and lozenges to keep myself comfortable.
• Filling out “Mad Libs” sheets
• Mommy was right there to make everything all better.

 

Now, at 24, getting sick means…

• the chores are inevitably postponed. It just means I’ll have to do them all in a few days.
• Deciding that the library book that looked lame earlier suddenly appears to be the most interesting thing in the apartment.
• I have nothing easy to prepare in the cupboard so I decide to go hungry instead.
• I would kill to just be able to go to sleep.
• A nice space heater that I’m huddled over trying to stay warm.
• Calling in sick to work, and then spending the next couple hours calculating how much this being sick business is costing me in lost wages.
• Pacing myself on the cough syrup and lozenges so we can make it until next month’s paycheck.
• Researching our health insurance provisions and possible providers.
• All I can think is, “I want my mommy!!!!”